I am an obsessive person.

I don't know why. I just have this side to me that is very obsessive. Right now it is in sewing baby items. I am listing stuff on eBay and my new favorite website, ETSY. But I have had a "light bulb moment" and realized that while I do want to sell stuff, it may be that the making of it is more crucial for me. I have always put lots of importance on the selling of my craftiness. What I have never realized or come to terms with is the therapeutic nature of my obsessiveness with my projects. I have thought back over the years about all the different things I have had obsessions with. And, unfortunately, I never realized that they were all at times of my life when they surrounded great changes.

Over the past six months I have spent a great deal of time talking, reading, listening, thinking, praying, and more- about my husbands future in his profession. Helping him decide and plan out his next move. What I never realized is how helpless I would feel. How badly I would wish that I could turn over to him some of my obsessiveness for him to use to his advantage in working through this difficult period in his career. I never knew what it would be like to just be supportive. To have absolutely no control over a situation and yet feel so involved at the same time. At times it has been maddening. And, oddly enough, just after he made his final choice about what his move would be, I started to feel a let down. I immediately felt a depression coming on. Why? I thought. It makes no sense! I spoke to one of my best friends recently and she said she had been worried about me after our last conversation. I was pretty down.

And then, I read an ad in craig's list. It was looking for local artisan items to sell in a new boutique in the area. I emailed her some photos of some things I had sewn,made, and painted over two years ago. She liked what she saw and was interested. That's all it took to spark the fire of my creativity again. I wanted to come up with some great new things. I wanted to revamp a business that I had all but left to the wayside. And since then I have been burning all my pent up energy that I have felt welling up inside over the past six months. This is something I can have control over! I can focus all my attention to and do it my way. It's not about the so-called "success" by way of how many things to I sell, it's the therapy of doing it that is saving me from my own depressive tendencies! I am so grateful to have something to throw myself into. To get lost in the creativity, and just escape to somewhere where I can have the satisfaction of knowing I have made something beautiful, and it is all me. My thing.

And it's the awareness of it that I feel so blessed for. I am grateful that I have been giving these creative obsessions for self-preservation. It is actually improving my well being, and I feel grateful to heavenly father for blessing me with that.