A few things I have realized.

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1. Right now I think my creative fruits are getting all juiced at my Dance lessons...and the subsequent obsessing I do over them all week long. Therefore, my ability to create cohesive or interesting posts on the blog has decreased. Blogging has now taken back seat to my obsession for dance.

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2. I have thought about getting my degree in dance now. I want to learn all I can learn about dance. I am a passionate lover of it. I am day dreaming, night dreaming, and wishing to do it whenever I have free time. It is like I have rediscovered something about myself I never allowed myself to fully realize as a younger person. They say do what you love. I love design. I love dance. When I went to college, if it wasn't an art/design class, if I had a choice, I took a dance class. I realized later that I totally messed up my schedule by chocking it full of non-major related ballroom classes.

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The question I have for the old me:

WHY DID YOU NOT DOUBLE MAJOR? Clearly you loved both.

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But I thought that dance wasn't a "Real JOB" kind of thing. I was supposed to go out and get a "real job" with a "real degree" sort of thing.

But I didn't even DO that anyway..so who was I kidding?

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Questions about my past loom in my head.

Who was I?

Why was I like that?

What was I doing all that time?

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3. When you learn how much you need to know...and then you realize how little you actually know..you feel like you are standing at the bottom of a mountain that you must be ready to climb if you are to find the success you seek.

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4. Sometimes this thought goes through my head with my children: You are creating their future memories. Their life with you is what they will remember about growing up. What will they be like? What will they remember?

For some reason that thought puts my importance as a mother and my role in their lives into better FOCUS for me.

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Sometimes I think I get a little lost in the day to day. I forget that this is IT for them. There's no dress rehearsal. Their lives,experiences,memories are getting molded, shaped, formed into something RIGHT. NOW.

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I want it to be good for them.

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I also know of someone who lost their little 3month old trisomy 18 baby yesterday.

I can't help but think about how I would never want to let go of that baby.

I would have a hard time doing that.

I hope I never have to do it.

I really am amazed at their strength.

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And that's all for tonight.