In search of inspiration...

I like to dream about who I might become. I have heart and hope and interest and thoughtfulness and determination. What exactly is my dream? I am not exactly sure. When it comes to "dream", how do I define it for myself? I dream of creative success, in a more worldly way, I guess you could call that professional success. I dream that I could be committed to being a better mom, and wife. But lately I find myself dreaming about when, how, and in what fashion I might achieve the worldly creativity success. And have it in conjunction with family success. Is it really so hard? Is it wrong?

I stumbled on a blog about a family building a guest house in Marrakesh, working to fulfill a dream of theirs. I also found these completely inspirational blogs that have added fuel to my thoughts about what I should do with my unquenchable desire to be creative on a larger scale of some sort.

Design is my dream, mainly because I never finished my degree in the major I started in. For years I have let it fester and boil inside of me about all the things I yet need to learn to really be anything, or really "do" anything. The funny thing is that I know MANY people have done great things in creative design type of fields without a DEGREE in design. I want to know what the right avenue for me is. And I feel like I have started and stopped many ideas-go back to school, work for a deisgn firm, have my own business, and -through stopping- have labelled myself a failure. It is better to try something and fail than to never try at all, I know this. But when that something has caused you an undue amount of financial set back, you question- was it all a mistake? Was I wrong to even try to create a business?

I have struggled and lamented over these worries to my husband for years, and he lovingly denies that my former efforts have been in vain. I am a jack of all trades creator. How do I narrow something down and become REALLY GOOD at that one thing? I want to be exceptional at something, not just slightly better than competent at lots of things. I wish I knew what star to follow, which dream to pursue. What direction to go. I wish I didn't feel lost.