the awakening.

~

I came to realize after being married for several years that I had bouts where I was clinically depressed. With therapy and a small period of medication I learned to deal with that side of my life. It was quite freeing to realize that I was not my feelings. My feelings were often times starkly opposite the bright reality of my fresh youthful marriage and baby. I learned to step outside my dark emotions and take a look at them, and say, "NO, you are just a feeling, and you do NOT define me or my life that I cerebrally KNOW is good and happy". It was a skill that has served me well. That knowledge allowed me to an emotional maturity and strength that I never had before.

Part of what led me into that was my priorities being kind of screwed up. I may have been depressed either way, but looking back on it I had personal worth issues. I did not value myself, because I had not created a successful career for myself. I laid much if not all of my personal self worth onto my failings professionally. I had done EXACTLY what I thought was not cool. I got married young, and did not pursue a career.(or the career I thought was "respectable"- and don't ask me HOW I came to feel that this was the only way I could be of value, obviously I bought into the worlds view of women)

~

Anyway, now as my life has evolved into this full home of love and mothering, I see my succeses a lot more honestly. I used to think that if I couldn't be a well known designer I would have no worth. Well, GUESS WHAT! I have created three amazing children that are so fabulous and precious to me, and I feel the brilliance of their creation, even in the midst of the messiness of parenthood.

~

And all I know now is that my HEART has been taken from me, and now lives outside of me in my grinning,chubby cheeked baby, tender son, and creative daughter. They make me feel brilliant. And that gives me more joy than I thought possible.

~
Now there are never enough pics of babies, are there?

(Baby E modeling her little bows I crafted up.)

Mom and Dad sent these pretty flowers as a thanks for us hosting the Holiday! Thanks mom and dad!! They are beautiful!