The Wallpaper FILES

Well, since this is the first one, it could just as well be called "wallpaper file", but I am sure there will be more to come.. in time. I am one of a very few and rare breed of people who still adores wallpaper. Thousands have been frightened away and have turned to paint for all their wall-changing needs, but I, in my antique-y need to do things as difficult as possible, LOVE WALLPAPER.

Probably going on about 2 years ago, I purchased the most beautiful paper I had ever bought.

I envisioned it gracing the walls of our grand foyer, complete with thick flannel lined silk draperies adorning the windows and skirting a lovely flower-filled-crystal vase adorned table. Finished of course by an over sized and sparkling crystal chandelier dripping from the ceiling.

But life got in the way of all my dreams for that room...and it remained untouched. Covered in the sickly fluorescent yellow-orange color that no doubt was slapped up there in a last ditch effort to hide something even worse. The bumpy walls are the original plaster, and so very delicate to work with.

Finally, this year, my favorite man in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD (Yess,a.k.a.the frying pan man-see previous post)promised on Mother's day, my Birthday, and I think even St.Patty's day, that he was going to tackle the beast and paper my hideous foyer walls, while I was on my trip to Utah. Well, it wasn't finished, but he did get a very respectable start into the mind-numbing process, and I commend him for that.

Last weekend we had some free time because he didn't have to go to his meetings as our Ward mission leader at church, so I unfortunately became the Wallpaper NAZI for the weekend. I have to defend the reason behind why I haven't been helping much- SOMEONE"S got to watch the kiddies while this crazy process goes on. And since he's been doing it for a while, he's already doing a lot better job than me. We did work together on it until 4 am on Friday night which was our kick off to the weekend. It's kinda scary to say but I'd rather be doing wallpaper until late into the night than lounging in our attic watching a big-screen movie. Freaky-huh!

So anyway, on he continued to work throughout Saturday and finally even had to miss church as he was up to his neck covered in wallpaper paste and exacto knife cuttings just as everyone at church was probably singing "Put your Shoulder to the Wheel." Oh, the irony.

He got SO CLOSE to finishing! As a fitting finale to his weekend, he ended with a bang. Now I will pre-empt this story by saying Mark is to all who know him (including me) a VERY patient person. EXTREMELY. And determined and very good at most everything he does. But as the weekend went on, I noticed a trend. One strip of wall paper would go up, 5 minutes later I would hear a low grumble coming from the foyer a Mark's mid papering frustration grew. "Daaaanngit, thiiss stupid pieeeece of...jsheeeezzzz..grrrr.." Then the sound would die out and I would call out, "Honey, how's it going?"

He would calmly respond, "Pretty good!" I would then come in and ohh and ahh and promise him anything he wanted for being so diligent. And then the circle would continue with each strip.

Back to our little finale. SO to finish our foyer we had to go up the stairs and find a way to put up the wall paper about 14 feet up -on stairs-on a ladder. Mark rigged the ladder on the second floor leaning OVER to the top of the wall that needed the paper. Kind of a hanging trapeze looking stunt. There were only about 2 1/2 strips to go. It was about 10 or 11 at night, and I am sitting at the dining room table with Lena helping her make crystal bracelets. (Don't even get me started on why she wasn't IN BED.)

I helped him get the strip up. The I went back in to the dining room, and sure enough about 5 minutes later the expected grumbling begins..but then it gets louder,as he begins arguing with the paper, as if it were a person "You are a big piece offfff craaaaaappp....just smooth out- will you?? Stoooop creasing!!" And on and on for some time. And this is when I knew it was all over. "IIIII HAAAATE WALLLL PAPPERRR!!!!" and banging and tearing and slapping and more tearing echoed through the house. Yep. And then it was quiet. VERY quiet, and he eventually came in and growled, "I'll have to finish the rest later in the week." With that he went to bed.