To my dearest Mother,

This is a letter that I must write to you now. I am sorry that it has taken me 31 years to say certain things that I will now say, but I guess learning through experience is better than never to learn at all, right? I am sorry for all the times I acted un-enthused (or worse!!) about gifts you spent lots of time looking for. I am TRULY sorry for being snotty, bratty, rude, unhappy, difficult, argumentative, unappreciative, or just plain mean. I know you don't remember me that way...but I know i was that way - once in a great while.

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For me it has taken becoming a mother to understand where you were coming from. I suppose that is completely normal. I now look at my children and realize that their very existence brings me an unspeakable joy that cannot even be measured. Whether or not they act "thankful" for the myriad of service I perform for them hardly detracts from that intrinsic fulfillment I feel having them.

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But, it certainly does brighten my day to have them smile at me with utter happiness and excitement.

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Just as it can put a damper on it when I am anticipating excitement, and I receive snotty attitudes. UGH!

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You see, today was Lena's 7 th birthday. I worked like a little busy body on crack all day with preparations. I tried to make it special. Pin the tail on the kitty. Chocolate toffee cake with sparkler candles. Twenty-five pink balloons I nearly fainted blowing up them all.

And the GIFTS!

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Oh, I tried so hard to make it nice for her.

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I know she enjoyed it, despite the groaning "Ohhhh, nice, MORE clothes. " when she opened the cute fall cardigan sweaters I attempted picking out for her.

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She glowed when she opened the JUST-HER-SIZE sewing machine. The two dollar stuffed kitty I got on clearance was (hilariously) her FAVORITE toy of the night. Yep. (I have to admit that made me want to go and grab everything else she had opened , throw it back into the bags and just return it all. Then go spend the money on a good facial and massage. But I digress. )

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It was just my idealistic dreamer-ness messing things up. I kept imagining this fabulous evening of shimmering laughter and extatic squeals of joy. I didn't imagine the random, completely normal teasing between my dear son and daughter. For one night I wanted it perfect. Seamless. And I dreamed of her running to me (even though we'd be in the same room, it's still running...) and throwing her arms around me and saying, "Mommy, I LOVE it ! And I love YOU!!!"

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Because that's why I did it all. I love her. Just like I know you love me, and did all the many things you did for me. And you still care and do things even to this day. I LOVE YOU MOM! And THANK YOU for EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER DONE for ME!!! YOU are my hero, because you worked so hard, with everything in your being, to make us all happy, and YOU deserve a LITTLE PAT on that BACK of yours. Thank you thank you thank you thank you. THANKS so much. Seriously. You are amazing. And always will be.

God bless you for your work as a mother.

~

And now it is my turn.