Don't try this at home

or

Not a good night for Dane.

(you choose)

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Tonight Mark was home (for some reason it felt like we haven't had him home in a while...) and so we wanted to "do something" other than the typical hang out at home stuff. We have rarely taken all three kids and gone to any "grown up" stores all together very often, and so we decided to head over to Old Time Pottery because I had several things I was wanting to check out.

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We first had to pick up the big sissy from Brownies. While we waited for some reason Dane thought it would be brilliant to open the back window and toss a full size white plastic garbage bag out the window. (we have them stored back there for emergency barf bags..but anyway.)Whaa? Ok, so we unsnapped him from his car seat in the parking lot and made him go chase it down in the cold wind and rain with us, after he told Mark that he absolutely did NOT throw it out there. (Mark WATCHED him do it)Therefore, subsequent talk about how honesty is best policy, and how we will be less sad about what ever he does if he ALWAYS tells the TRUTH.

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Next, tell kids we will have dinner at Wendy's after we go to "fun store" to walk around for a while. We wander, of course find good stuff(I always do there), and Dane repeatedly begs to go back and see the huge collection of wooden Nutcrackers in the Christmas isles. Nothing wrong with a sweet little boy loving Nutcrackers, right? Innocent enough. Sure, until we get out to the car, to have Dane pull his hands out of his pockets and have them FILLED with assorted tiny wooden sword-thingys, he says he "found" on the ground that of course he wanted to keep for himself. Insist he gets out with Mom and take all the "found" objects back into the store and apologize to store associate, and tell her we did not BUY them, and that there were probably some nutcrackers missing these. Accidentally knock Dane on the back with the car door and he starts bawling frantically before even walking back into store. (It probably looked like I had given him a good beating before he went back into the store..)

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Attempt getting back into car, only to have him death clutching his front shirt pocket, screaming that "nothing was in there". After wrestling his hand off, finding 3 MORE tiny wooden nutcracker swords. REPEAT previous activity, with even more weeping and wailing drama.

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Tell son that we NEVER, EVER, NOT EVER, even if it's fallen on the floor and looks like someone might throw it away, TAKE something from a store without paying for it. NEVER. EVER.

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Then we head off to Wendy's for some tasty (and I use that term LOOSELY) fast food dinner.

Within first 5 minutes of sitting down to eat, Dane tries to steal my butter(which he LOVES) for my potato, and in the process sends his chocolate milk flying, all onto himself, his sister and both of their clothes. Oh, yes. Helpful father sitting next to us hops up and throws and huge pile of napkins at us. After sopping up, we actually managed to have a decent meal with no more drama.

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But seriously, what were we thinking? Next time we get brave and try to go on some random "family outing" - please someone slap some sense into me. I'd rather go get a root canal.